Spring brings a lot of chance to experience renewal, birth, bloom,freshness, the promise of survival being slightly less intense as cold weather moves to the storage level of Mother Earth’s house. And like other major season changes, I reflect on the moment and the past, maybe where I’m headed. I’ve been thinking about my niece graduating from high school and where I was when I graduated. I am mulling over everything from choices I made given the situations I was placed in versus the plans I had made years prior. And I am honestly grateful my path was different than what I had planned.
Today I’m headed to the park with my two perfect kids. Sure, I’m sleep deprived and winging this parenting some days, but I mostly cannot believe how lucky I am to have these healthy and happy little bugs. I hope they learn gratitude and inner peace easier than I have, but also hope they enjoy the feeling of craftsmanship and accomplishment, and resist being idle. But today, I’m listening to them laugh heartily at the park and that’s truly wonderful.
I am also thinking of how great it is that I have been able to have such wonderful births with them. And mostly that my husband was there with me, and at home with us, and actually really glad he didn’t punch a clock. I have my moments of bitterness because I didn’t get time at home with the kids, but really, I was lucky to have someone willing to stand next to me with no other family present, and make our way this far. We have grown into a life that is ever evolving and ever changing and it is really quite beautiful (even the ugly parts).
And when I get pulled into a downward spiral of chatter, scarcity, and high demands, I can let go because it is not up to me how this life will go. I cannot plan it, I cannot change it, I cannot control it, and that gives me a sense of peace with God and thus love with everything.